


A Subtle Knife

by Lady_Kit



Series: 12 Days of Shipmas [6]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Angst with a horrifying ending, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Miscarriage, Skeleton Pregnancy (Undertale), this is not a happy fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 10:56:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13188615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Kit/pseuds/Lady_Kit
Summary: Slim had been cautious and quietly disapproving, but that was to be expected—he was just being overprotective, even if he was the younger brother. And if things between the couple had ever been anything other than perfect…well, that was Razz’s fault, wasn’t it?He was the defective one. Fell-verse trash. Blue was everything that Razz should have been._______________Words are the most subtle weapons.PLEASE READ THE TAGS.





	A Subtle Knife

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CrushingOnSans](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrushingOnSans/gifts).



> **Trigger warning in the end notes**

Razz stared at the wall straight ahead of him, his fingers tracing the edges of the phone in his hands. He took a breath and looked down at the plush carpet. Slim would be so angry if he knew what Razz was doing. He took a hitching breath and starting to pace the room. The walls were a pastel purple, not entirely unlike the Swapfell brothers’ magic, and Slim had painted black flames along the bottom because the idiot didn’t understand how paint worked. Or what was appropriate for a baby.

Maybe Slim could use it as an office now. He’d certainly put more effort into the room than Razz had. It seemed appropriate that he should take it, now that….

Razz’s fingers curled, and he resisted the urge to press his hand against ectoflesh that was no longer there. _(Waking up to sudden, sharp agony. Not understanding, until the ectoflesh burst, and he found himself covered in spent magic. And dust.)_ He looked down at the phone in his hand as the other hand reached out and clutched at the bars of the crib. Maybe one of the others might want it? Or maybe Slim would prefer to keep it? He and Papyrus were getting pretty serious. It might come in handy in a few—

A shudder wracked Razz’s body, and he curled in on himself, shaking as a choked sob broke through his rigid control. He allowed himself to slip to the floor and put his skull in his hands, rocking back and forth.

This was his fault.

He wasn’t cut out to be a parent. Certainly not a carrier.

He should have known better. Blue had.

He wrapped his arms around himself, wishing he could wake up from this nightmare. Wishing for the world to just _tilt_ and for everything to ~~[RESET]~~ go back to how it used to be. All the way back to his first meeting with their alternates. Stars, it had been like a punch to his non-existent gut, seeing Blue for the first time. He’d looked so pure and beautiful. Untouched and unscarred. Razz had almost been afraid of him, simply because he’d been so mesmerized. Then Blue had turned his way and his smile had transformed, becoming brighter and richer, stars dancing in his eyelights. He’d taken Razz’s hand and everything had just…slotted into place. Everything was perfect. Blue was perfect. And that he deigned to spend time with Razz? That he took every opportunity to hug him and hold him and tell him he was special?

A bitter smile twisted Razz’s features as he brushed away tears with the heel of his hand. Before he knew it, they were dating and then Razz was moving in and—it was exhilarating and terrifying and everything Razz could have ever wanted. Slim had been cautious and quietly disapproving, but that was to be expected—he was just being overprotective, even if he was the younger brother. And if things between the couple had ever been anything other than perfect…well, that was Razz’s fault, wasn’t it?

He was the defective one. Fell-verse trash. Blue was everything that Razz _should_ have been.

_(“Razzy, listen…you know, when we’re out in public, why don’t you let me do the talking, huh? It’s just, you’re a little…aggressive. Let me handle things, okay? It’ll go much smoother if you let me take care of everything.”)_

Blue was only looking out for him.

_(“Are you sure you want to eat that? I mean, it’s not very healthy, is it?”)_

Blue loved him. Wanted him. _Needed_ him.

 _(“I don’t know what I’d do if you ever left me. Promise me you won’t. Promise you’ll never leave me._ Never _.”)_

And Blue had known…. Razz’s hand dipped down, still expecting to meet warm ectoflesh when he reached for his middle and found only empty space. A choked sob wracked him, and he pressed a hand to his mouth, trying to hold everything in. He shook his head, fresh magic tracking down his cheekbones. Blue had known immediately that he couldn’t do this.

_(Standing in the doorway. Tentatively raising his shirt. Hoping. Seeing the shock on Blue’s face morph into doubt. “You’re not keeping it, are you?”)_

Blue knew—

_(“Babe, don’t cry. I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just…do you really think you can handle something like this?”)_

—that he wasn’t made for this.

_(“And, let’s be honest, with your LV…is it really the best decision?”)_

It was stupid. Stupid to think that he could actually put his past behind him. That he could try his hand at nurturing rather than destroying. He studied the phone again, sniffing. Slim had made him promise that he wouldn’t talk to Blue anymore. Not after he’d shown up on his brother and Papyrus’ doorstep, pregnant and clinging to his last scrap of control to keep from breaking down.

 _(“bro, what happened? what’s wrong?”_ _Months. It had been months since he’d seen Slim. Spoken to him. Blue always said he was a bad influence. Said he didn’t like the way Slim looked at him. Or his smoking. Or the hundred other little things that Slim did wrong. “are you—?” Papyrus appearing behind him, sockets wide and eyelights bright. Blue didn’t like him either. Too loud. Too brash. In fact, the more Razz thought about it, Blue didn’t seem to like any of the other skeletons. When was the last time he’d so much as spoken to anyone that wasn’t Blue or Stretch? Not that Stretch had much to say anyway. “come on, bro. come inside.”)_

He supposed he really couldn’t blame Slim for his concern. After all, Razz had been in a bad place when he first arrived, and Slim had never liked Blue, never trusted him. It would have been easy to blame Blue for Razz’s own deficiencies. His lack of confidence. His inability to make even the most basic decisions. _(The pity in Papyrus eyelights. The shock and fear in Slim’s.)_ Of course Slim would blame Blue for that, but Blue had only ever—

_(“I only want what’s best for you, Razzy.”)_

—wanted to help. And, besides, it was his child too. Even if…. Razz swallowed and picked up the phone with shaking fingers. He dialed and held it to his skull, bones rattling as he waited for Blue to answer. Finally, he heard the ringing cut off and Blue’s cheerful, “Hello! You’ve reached the Magnificent Sans!”

Just hearing his voice nearly made Razz start sobbing all over again. He clutched the phone against his earhole and, working hard to hold himself together, said, “H-hey. Blue. It’s, um. It’s…It’s Razz.” His voice trailed off, choked by emotion.

“Oh.” Blue was quiet for a moment. Then, carefully, he said, “I see. How can I help you?”

 _(“Stars on fire, Razz. You’d be completely lost without me, wouldn’t you? This isn’t—You can’t_ act _like this on the surface. You’re embarrassing yourself. You’re embarrassing_ me. _”)_

“I. I just….” He inhaled sharply, pulling his knees in toward his chest. “I wanted to….”

“Razz. We aren’t dating anymore. I have more important things to do than hold your hand while you have a breakdown. Why don’t you go get your brother?”

 _(“No. I don’t want you talking to him. He’s a stoner and a loser—and I don’t care if he’s your brother, he’s_ trash _, Razz. And we will not be associated with the likes of him.”)_

“They’re…um. They’re gone,” he finally said, voice choked.

“What are you talking about?”

“Th-the souling. They’re gone. I, um. I l-lost them. Th-this morning.” His sockets burned and his eyelights flared as magic rushed to his skull.

“Oh, Razzy….” Blue said, his voice dropping to a familiar tone. “I told you, hun. You’re just not meant for that kind of thing. I’m so sorry.” A sob wracked Razz’s diminished body. “Ah, babe. Don’t cry. You know I hate it when you cry.”

“S-sorry,” he said, hugging his knees to his chest. “I-I know you d-didn’t want them. But. I-I just th-thought you w-would want to know.”

Blue sighed heavily. “It’s not that I didn’t want it, Razz.”

“R-right.”

There was a long moment of silence. Then Blue, sighing again, asked, “Do you need me to come pick you up?”

Razz thought of Slim and Papyrus downstairs. How heartbroken they’d been when he’d walked into the kitchen and made his announcement. He remembered how Papyrus had hugged him tight and whispered that it wasn’t his fault, that he’d done everything he could, that sometimes these things happened. _(“No one could possibly be that nice, Razzy. Not even in a Tale-verse. For a Fell-verse monster, you’re pretty naïve.”)_ He thought of the two of them, trying and failing to make something edible for dinner tonight. Which meant they’d probably just end up ordering in. They’d probably ask Razz to choose where they ordered from. They’d even let him have whatever he wanted. _(“I’m just looking out for you, Razzy. I mean, considering how revealing your clothing is, I figured you’d want to be a little more…careful about what you ate. But whatever. It’s your body, right? The rest of us just have to look at it.”)_

“…c-can you?”

“I’ll send Stretch over in a few minutes. He’ll meet you at the corner; how’s that?”

Razz’s eyes squeezed shut. “Th-thanks,” he whispered. Then, before Blue hung up, he managed to blurt out, “I love you.”

There was a pregnant pause. Then, Blue said, “Yeah, Razzy. I love you too. See you soon, hun.”

**Author's Note:**

> Triggers: miscarriage, subtle abuse, abusive relationships, unhappy ending, abusive language.  
> \-------
> 
>  
> 
> So, fun fact, everyone. It often takes victims of abuse multiple attempts to actually leave their abusers for good. And by 'fun' I mean 'horrifyingly upsetting and sad'.


End file.
